You know you're living in Australia when you have to buy Brut 33 anti-persiperent from the supermarket.
What's more, it actually smells quite nice - much nicer that when I last encountered it in my teens. Perhaps this has nothing to do with Australia at all. Could this simply the beginning of my second childhood?
Saturday, 6 October 2012
Thursday, 27 September 2012
MONDAYS
It must seem odd writing about Monday on a Thursday, but, all of a sudden, so little in life makes sense.
Monday 17 September:
One of the great things about life in Oz is getting to spend more quality time with my family; and whilst Monday mornings in our household would test the patience of Ma Walton, we do manage to send them off to school, hats on heads, and overloaded packs on backs without any reportable incident.
A quick journey, and I'm at work with a good ten minutes to spare. I then spent the next couple of hours praying for the phone to ring, just to break the tedium, whilst simultaneously compiling a mental list of everything that I failed to get round to doing over the weekend, whilst also checking my emails, and of course the football scores. Whilst so doing I chanced upon an article declaring Sydney to be the 17th more expensive city in the world, whereas dear old much maligned London Town was 10th. This disturbing statistic was based upon criteria such as housing costs and clothing. I would like to know how anyone around here can find accommodation for a mere $900 per month. But what I'd like even more is to have the $1900 that I apparently need each month to spend on my wardrobe.
Fast-forward a few hours. I doubt that I've done much more than 3 hours' real work (whatever that is), and I'm back home by 6pm. Just in time to spend some more quality time, coercing my kids into finishing off their homework and getting into bed without injuring each other.
Monday 24 September
It's School Holiday, so we decided to take a short flight to Melbourne, and spend a few days there. Now Melbourne was to our liking. A booming cafe culture, big shops selling familiar brands, museums, theatres, boulevards and trams. Just like a major European City in fact. I feel like a British tourist in Majorca, looking for his chips and beer. I've just crossed to the other side of the globe, and all that I want is what I've just left behind.
We spent our first day at St Kildas, and chilled-out hippyfied seaside resort. In spite of a mile-long golden beach, I'm apparently not allowed to call it a Beach. This is apparently because it does not boast any lethal-looking waves, nor posers on planks of wood. Anyway, regardless of its status, it's a great place to visit, and like Melbourne in general, is full of charming and friendly people. The rest of the time was spent exploring the City; and since there is little that I can usefully add to what is contained within any Guidebook, I shan't bother. Although the weather was much cooler than that to which we've now become accustomed, it was interesting to monitor our collective mood. We were all more relaxed, enthusiastic, and nicer to be around - probably. In fact, when it came to 'Going Home Time', A pleaded with me to find a job there. It's only a few months before the Australian Open Tennis, and then we have the British Lions Tour in June. It could happen.
Monday 17 September:
One of the great things about life in Oz is getting to spend more quality time with my family; and whilst Monday mornings in our household would test the patience of Ma Walton, we do manage to send them off to school, hats on heads, and overloaded packs on backs without any reportable incident.
A quick journey, and I'm at work with a good ten minutes to spare. I then spent the next couple of hours praying for the phone to ring, just to break the tedium, whilst simultaneously compiling a mental list of everything that I failed to get round to doing over the weekend, whilst also checking my emails, and of course the football scores. Whilst so doing I chanced upon an article declaring Sydney to be the 17th more expensive city in the world, whereas dear old much maligned London Town was 10th. This disturbing statistic was based upon criteria such as housing costs and clothing. I would like to know how anyone around here can find accommodation for a mere $900 per month. But what I'd like even more is to have the $1900 that I apparently need each month to spend on my wardrobe.
Fast-forward a few hours. I doubt that I've done much more than 3 hours' real work (whatever that is), and I'm back home by 6pm. Just in time to spend some more quality time, coercing my kids into finishing off their homework and getting into bed without injuring each other.
Monday 24 September
It's School Holiday, so we decided to take a short flight to Melbourne, and spend a few days there. Now Melbourne was to our liking. A booming cafe culture, big shops selling familiar brands, museums, theatres, boulevards and trams. Just like a major European City in fact. I feel like a British tourist in Majorca, looking for his chips and beer. I've just crossed to the other side of the globe, and all that I want is what I've just left behind.
We spent our first day at St Kildas, and chilled-out hippyfied seaside resort. In spite of a mile-long golden beach, I'm apparently not allowed to call it a Beach. This is apparently because it does not boast any lethal-looking waves, nor posers on planks of wood. Anyway, regardless of its status, it's a great place to visit, and like Melbourne in general, is full of charming and friendly people. The rest of the time was spent exploring the City; and since there is little that I can usefully add to what is contained within any Guidebook, I shan't bother. Although the weather was much cooler than that to which we've now become accustomed, it was interesting to monitor our collective mood. We were all more relaxed, enthusiastic, and nicer to be around - probably. In fact, when it came to 'Going Home Time', A pleaded with me to find a job there. It's only a few months before the Australian Open Tennis, and then we have the British Lions Tour in June. It could happen.
Monday, 17 September 2012
THE PEOPLE
The fallacy about the Aussies is that because they speak broadly the same as us, we expect them to be the same. That simply isn't fair, because we are 15,000 miles apart and have been brought up on entirely different experiences. Yes, their voices do go up at the end of sentences, and they do say, 'No Worries' and awful lot, but these are just nuances. And, after all, books have been written on the peculiar habits of the British. Yes, there are ruffians with dangerous looking dogs, as well as an unsavoury hooligan element. There are many who in England we may consider racist, when their voice their opinions on a handful of immigrants who have arrived illegally on boats. This does seem very strange in an underpopulated land built on immigrants, and brimming with the confidence of their enterprise. But, I have to ask myself, if I'd had the same experiences as them, would I have been any different? The answer is 'probably not'.
On a daily basis, the Aussies are patient polite and helpful. After the stresses of London life, they are a complete antedote, and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that nothing is quite as important as I might think it is. Wherever they rush or not, everything functions and everything gets done. They are generous with their time, and when they say 'No Worries', they genuinely mean it. Time to hit the beach and relax.
MISERY RATING: 0
The fallacy about the Aussies is that because they speak broadly the same as us, we expect them to be the same. That simply isn't fair, because we are 15,000 miles apart and have been brought up on entirely different experiences. Yes, their voices do go up at the end of sentences, and they do say, 'No Worries' and awful lot, but these are just nuances. And, after all, books have been written on the peculiar habits of the British. Yes, there are ruffians with dangerous looking dogs, as well as an unsavoury hooligan element. There are many who in England we may consider racist, when their voice their opinions on a handful of immigrants who have arrived illegally on boats. This does seem very strange in an underpopulated land built on immigrants, and brimming with the confidence of their enterprise. But, I have to ask myself, if I'd had the same experiences as them, would I have been any different? The answer is 'probably not'.
On a daily basis, the Aussies are patient polite and helpful. After the stresses of London life, they are a complete antedote, and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that nothing is quite as important as I might think it is. Wherever they rush or not, everything functions and everything gets done. They are generous with their time, and when they say 'No Worries', they genuinely mean it. Time to hit the beach and relax.
MISERY RATING: 0
Friday, 14 September 2012
THE WEATHER
I'm not sure what I'd expected of a New South Wales winter, but I had thought that it would be reasonably fundamental that if you know it's going to get cold you do have some form of heating. I honestly don't believe that I'd been this cold since I was a student with a single bar radiator as my only source of warmth. And everything is just as confused when the temperature rises. At the first signs of warmth on comes the air conditioning in the office, and we're back to those student days all over again.
Spring has a fairly constant dry warmth feel about it, interspersed with the odd downpour and fairly scary winds. Jen has convinced herself that this is as warm as it will get. It's in its low 20's. I've been here in the summer, so I know what to expect. I'm sure that I'll have plenty to say on the weather ovee the forthcoming months.
MISERY RATING: :( :( :(
I'm not sure what I'd expected of a New South Wales winter, but I had thought that it would be reasonably fundamental that if you know it's going to get cold you do have some form of heating. I honestly don't believe that I'd been this cold since I was a student with a single bar radiator as my only source of warmth. And everything is just as confused when the temperature rises. At the first signs of warmth on comes the air conditioning in the office, and we're back to those student days all over again.
Spring has a fairly constant dry warmth feel about it, interspersed with the odd downpour and fairly scary winds. Jen has convinced herself that this is as warm as it will get. It's in its low 20's. I've been here in the summer, so I know what to expect. I'm sure that I'll have plenty to say on the weather ovee the forthcoming months.
MISERY RATING: :( :( :(
Thursday, 13 September 2012
ANIMALS: We've all heard the horror stories about sharks, funnel-web spiders, the blueringed octopus and the positively terrifying box jellyfish, but the reality is much different. Every morning I am woken by kookaburas calling and go downstairs to see birds of paradise flaunting their beautiful feathers as they fly past my kitchen. And then, if we have time, we can walk down to the beach to watch the dolphins revelling their way through the ocean. We have also seen kangeroos in the Bush, and recently a koala literally hanging around in a tree. The most unpleasant animal experience I have is with the flies that so assiduously harass me in the office foyer whenever I am waiting for the Lift. I concede that it will only take one confirmed shark-sighting or an over-developed arachnoid for this to change, but for the time-being, this is a Positive.
MISERY RATING: 0
MONEY: Now, here I do have a problem: there isn't enough of it to go round. The commentators say that the national economy is balanced on a knife edge. My personal finances are teetering on the head of a sheered needle, and I so often feel as if the Aussies have conspired to find ingenious new ways to make me pay. A classic example is their Health System, where there really is little alternative to private insurance. The effects of this, for me, are twofold. First of all, I lay awake at night, imagining ailments, in order to get my money's worth from the extortionate scheme that I have had to join. And next, it makes me so appreciative of the wonders of the British NHS.
MISERY RATING: 0
MONEY: Now, here I do have a problem: there isn't enough of it to go round. The commentators say that the national economy is balanced on a knife edge. My personal finances are teetering on the head of a sheered needle, and I so often feel as if the Aussies have conspired to find ingenious new ways to make me pay. A classic example is their Health System, where there really is little alternative to private insurance. The effects of this, for me, are twofold. First of all, I lay awake at night, imagining ailments, in order to get my money's worth from the extortionate scheme that I have had to join. And next, it makes me so appreciative of the wonders of the British NHS.
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
So now that I've pretty much brought things up to date, here are a few observations on Life down Under:
FOOD: All food in Australia has something in common: it all tastes the bloomin' same. There is too much of it, and it tends to make one very fat very quickly. On the other hand, it is all local produce, and the prices do encourage one to plan ahead and pack some Tucker for one's lunch every day.
MISERY RATING (out of 5): :( :( :(
CLOTHING: The kindest thing that I can say about Aussie fashion is as little as possible. But when I start yearning for my own wardrobe to arrive, I remind myself that it contains at least one pair of cords, two pairs of loafers, and far too many cardigans. With this in mind, and since the Fashion here tends to evoke more Mirth than Misery, I'm going to award a very satisfactory
MISERY RATING: :(
SCHOOLS
We love having our kids at the same school, and we love the sun hats that are compulsory. On the other hand, within a week of their starting, Jen began spying at kids at another school just because she thought that they may be more our sort of people. We also had to contend with the strangeness that defines which years they are in. A (10) is with kids some of whom are a year older and others who are more than a year younger; N (7) is just about right, whereas Z (5) is with kids more than a year older.The kids' names are also a source of amusement. Gone are the Ollies and Harrys, Sofias and Olivias that haunt London schools. In come the Jacksons, Mitchells, Halles and Harpers. Pure Class. And then we have the Language issue. This very day, Jen was taken to one side by Z's teacher, and told that he had used inappropriate language. The expression he had used: 'Holy Mackerel'. My reaction to being told this:
'For %@$£s sake, get a @%%ing life'.
MISERY RATING: :( :( :(
More to follow tomorrow
FOOD: All food in Australia has something in common: it all tastes the bloomin' same. There is too much of it, and it tends to make one very fat very quickly. On the other hand, it is all local produce, and the prices do encourage one to plan ahead and pack some Tucker for one's lunch every day.
MISERY RATING (out of 5): :( :( :(
CLOTHING: The kindest thing that I can say about Aussie fashion is as little as possible. But when I start yearning for my own wardrobe to arrive, I remind myself that it contains at least one pair of cords, two pairs of loafers, and far too many cardigans. With this in mind, and since the Fashion here tends to evoke more Mirth than Misery, I'm going to award a very satisfactory
MISERY RATING: :(
SCHOOLS
We love having our kids at the same school, and we love the sun hats that are compulsory. On the other hand, within a week of their starting, Jen began spying at kids at another school just because she thought that they may be more our sort of people. We also had to contend with the strangeness that defines which years they are in. A (10) is with kids some of whom are a year older and others who are more than a year younger; N (7) is just about right, whereas Z (5) is with kids more than a year older.The kids' names are also a source of amusement. Gone are the Ollies and Harrys, Sofias and Olivias that haunt London schools. In come the Jacksons, Mitchells, Halles and Harpers. Pure Class. And then we have the Language issue. This very day, Jen was taken to one side by Z's teacher, and told that he had used inappropriate language. The expression he had used: 'Holy Mackerel'. My reaction to being told this:
'For %@$£s sake, get a @%%ing life'.
MISERY RATING: :( :( :(
More to follow tomorrow
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